Christmas 2012

This will be the first christmas I'll be alone. It's harder then I thought it would be. After being married 15 yrs to the same man it's been very hard on me my depression has been out of control and the days seem so lonely. My one christmas wish is for things to get better and for me to be happy again......

I've found someone.....

I finally found someone who is so sweet, honest and good to me. We started out as friends and it turned into more. He is so good to me I don't know how to act. I'm not use to a gentle man who listens to what I have to say and cares about me only. It's not all about money, power over me or kicking me when I'm down. He just wants me and me only. I really think this is true love the way it is suppose to be. It only comes once in a life time and I think this is it.

Another Day

Woke up this morning feeling better then I have felt in a long time. Each day does get a little easier without him. I still have moments where I find myself needing him. But it is very few. Day by day I think I grow stronger and stronger. Now if I can make a plan for starting over alone. Where do I want to go with my life? What do I do next? An will I be alone forever? That's the question that run through my mind each day. I just need to come up with a plan for my life and how I want it to turn out.

Another bad day....

I had a really bad day yesterday. My Depression is out of control again, it is a battle everyday to function normally. People really don't understand how hard it is to control. Going thru a divorce ( my first) is the hardest thing to deal with we were married for 15 yrs. It's really hard to let go of someone you love. I have to start a whole new life and really don't know where to begin.

Early this morning

It's 5:42 a.m. I can't sleep again. I keep wondering where my life is going. I've started dating again. I'm still friends with my Ex husband. Which no one understands why. I don't want to hate him , where is it written when you divorce one another you have to hate each other forever. We had a good life at one time and a lot of good memories. I don't want to forget those times. I believe if you focus on the bad things then you can carry them over into your next relationship. So why do it. I know their is someone out there who will love me for who I am.

My new Life

My new life without my husband is harder then I thought it would be. Starting over is never easy to do. Your lonely all the time, you long for your husband and the life you once had. I keep thinking all the time How do I start over without him. When you love someone so much and they don't love you back it's still hard to move on.

 

Tragedies of a WAR!

My Husband came home in August from Afghanistan, for 2 days everything was great. Then the tragedy, He took me to my parents to spend the night and the next day I called him to come get me. His word were like a knife cutting my heart " I'm not coming to get you". When I asked why he said " I don't love you anymore". All I could think was what happen. He has PTSD now and I guess thats what happen when you come home from a war. I been so lost ever since then. How can you fix something that is broken.

As I posted early in the week. The Doctors found a Limp in my breast. Well today I went back to the doctor's office to get my results. Thank God it was just a cyst. I have been so scared about all this. John has been away for almost a year and going through this by myself. It has been hard being alone. I believe I now understand what a woman feels like when she is told she may have Cancer. My heart goes out to the women of the world who has and is going through this . It can really open your eyes to whats important. Thank you everyone for your prayers. Please continue to pray for those who are suffering with Cancer. Every prayer counts.

Photo's from the hubby

My husband John as you know he has been in Afghanistan for almost a year. He sent some photos of himself and some other guys he is serving with. These were taken on cold and rainy days there. It looks miserable there.



My Hubby working in the cold weather. poor baby.



My Husband , My Hero

John is the 6th man on the right side. He's so handsome in his uniform.. I'm so proud of them all... Come home soon...

The age for Doctor's, Mammograms and Needles...

I went to Doctor's yesterday for a simple checkup. Then the question every woman hates to here. He asked " have you ever had a Mammogram done?" I told him no that I didn't think I was old enough yet. The Doctor told me that I was going to be 39 this year and I should have already had one done. Then it was on the a breast exam. Words I never wanted to hear "you have a limp" He located it in my right Breast. At that moment I just wanted to jump up and run. But I couldn't move , I couldn't even think. There I was all alone with no one to turn to. John's still in Afghanistan, all of our family lives in Meridian, and Union Mississippi. I was completely alone.
It's amazing when you hear those words all the things that run through your mind. Your memories, the people you love, Your future. Even though it could be nothing you are still scared to death. I've watched my Mother in law and my husbands Aunt go thru this, They lose both their Breast due to Cancer. I watched the whole process and to this day I don't know how they got thru it.
Then their is the fear if it is bad, How is your husband going to feel. The questions that are running thru my mind is How is he going to handle this if it is bad? Is he still going to find my Beautiful? An will he still look at me the same?
Please pray for me to find the strengh to get through this.

What's up with the Skinner's

Well alot has been going lately. John is doing well in Afghanistan. His time is almost up there. I will be very happy to see him, a year has been too long.  Been busy doing lots of spring cleaning and gardening. Just keeping myself busy. John got his PCS orders the other day and it looks like we will be moving to Darien, Illinois for our next duty station. I've checked it out on the net. It seems like a nice place. The crime rate is low and they have alot of things to do there. So I'm pretty excited about the move. It's always hard to leave behind your family and friends but it is good to meet new people that are in the same boat you are( military life that is). We are looking forward to this new chapter in our life together.

Had a wonderful Easter.

It was such a pretty day the family gathered at my parents house. We ate dinner and had dessert. My Sister April made a strawberry cake that was to die for. "Of course I really didn't need to eat it but I just couldn't help myself". The kids had a good time. Allen win the first prize in the easter egg hunt his prizes where 3.00 in the gold egg and a giant chocolate bunny, Dakota got 2nd prize and his was 2.00 in the silver egg and a big stuffed bunny, and 3rd place was Dylan he got a dollar in the egg and a little ball game. I think all the kids had fun. The night before we dyed the kids eggs and I made a special one for John so he would be apart of the day also. Here's some of the photos I took.

Easter Is a time to remember...

Easter is a time for family and friends to come together and remember why we celebrate this day. it's not just hurting Easter eggs and playing game. It's about the love we feel for the lord. It's also about what he went through for us. I pray everyday to him about one thing or another, But do I stop in my prayers and thank him for the gift he has given me. Yes I have but not as much as I should. I'm going to thank him everytime I pray from now on.

My family always comes together for Easter this year we are going to make it really fun for the kids. We are having the Easter Eggs Hunt, all kindsof games for the kids.

First game is going to be an Eggs race, then pin the tail on the bunny, and a leg race. I think they will have fun this year. When we sit down to eat our Dad will pray and thank the lord for all he has done. We make it a point to thank him. It always warms my heart to here my dad pray.

I hope and pray everyone has a wonderful Easter and May God Bless you all.

The test of an Army Wife

I have come to realize that we as Army wives are tested everyday. We endure alot in our lives. The test are nonstop. We are tested in our marriage, our children, and the military.
Our strengh is really all we have when it comes to the do's and the don't. I find myself being tested everyday, it's all I can do to keep myself from getting on a plane and going to be with my husband. His time in Afghanistan is almost over it's not for alot of men and women their time is just beginning. When is this Country going to realize we are fighting a War we can't win. In my opinion we have won the war when we got the men we were after. So Why are we still there? This is another test for us to pass.

We are the women who maintain our homes on top of working and rising our children. This has been our jobs even during the Civil War till now. We as women have always stood strong for our husbands . Women before us worked the fields , did child birth at home and would be in the fields the next morning working. We have had no chose but to be strong while our husbands served their country. I'm very proud to do my part for my husband. I'm just ready for him to be home with me for awhile.

I feel that we all need to speak up about how we feel as military spouses . We need to let our government know we are all tired and ready for our men and women to come home. It's time for this to be over. People are losing their homes, jobs, among other things because of the money that is being spent on this War!

THIS NEEDS TO END NOW!!!!

THE BRONZE STAR

THE BRONZE STAR

My husband emailed me this morning and said something that made me so happy. " Baby I'm getting my Bronze star". I am so proud of him. He has worked so hard over there trying to improve things for the other soldiers that it has really paid off. In my opinion HE IS A TRUE HERO TO ME AND HIS COUNTRY. This really makes it worth it. This is the reason I support him 200% in his career because he loves doing his job and serving his country. John comes from a long line of men in his family who also served there country and I know if they were here this would be a proud day for them all.



I pray...

I have alot on my mind today. All of the things that go on in this world. The war in Afghanistan, all the crazy people in this world who want to hurt everyone they come in contact with and hurt our children. The protester that do not want Christians to voice their beliefs, but we are suppose to let the non believers voice their. Our President who only seems to care about what's in it for him. ( Sorry but that's my opinion). I get so tired of turning the TV on and there are reality show everywhere what ever happen to the shows where the whole family could sit down and watch a show that had good values in it. Your kids could learn from the things they watched. Now you have children who are watching anything now then going out and killing someone to see if it is like it is shown on TV. I wish someone could explain it to me. John & I can't have children but if we did they would grow up with the same values we were brought up with. All this killing in the world now is just crazy. People telling others what they can believe and what they can't. I don't know what the answers are or how to solve these problems with the world today. All I can do is pray that it gets better for everyone. That everyone has a right to pray in school and to feel safe. I say a pray for that today. I hope you do the same.

16 Afghan Civilians Killed by US Soldier

I read on Yahoo News  that a Us Solder open fire in a village outside of Kandahar Province. Now they are wanting us to hand over our US Soldier who is responsible for this and they want us to apologize for this. Who is going to apologize to the families of our fallen Soldier. This soldier must have cracked under all the pressure our soldiers are going thru HELL over there. Yes this one soldier has put alot of lives in danger and I understand this. But no one knows what this soldier has seen or been through for it to come to this. Over there they don't know who is the enemy and who isn't. Our men and women have been through enough it's time to bring them home. This should not have happen and it wouldn't have if we hadn't been there. These people do not want a better life. So why are we over there trying to force it on them. It's time to Bring Our Soldiers Home. I support our military 200%. I support my Husband and his career. They will always have my support, This Soldier needs help not to be handed over to be murdered be these people.

Please keep them all in your prayers and pray this war will end soon...

Remember Our Fallen

Talk to my baby last

I talked to John last night for 3 hours. It was so good to hear his voice. I hadn't talk to him in almost 2 weeks. We both are counting down the days till he comes home. 4 months to go, I'll be so glad when he is in my arms again. He has done so much good over there. Hopefully he will be getting a metal. I'm so proud of John. He has always been a good soldier. When he goes to work he the first one there and the last one to leave. He has had upper Rank just brag about him and the job he does. That's why I know he is doing what he was born to do. I would never take that from him. He is a wonderful husband and my Best Friend.. I can't wait to see him again. It's awful being away from him but when he comes home it's like we fall in love with each other all over again. You really can't beat that feeling. I can't wait for July to get here. Hurry up please...

I Dream....

I dream of a day when this world will know peace, I dream of the day when my husband doesn't have to go away. I dream of a day. When our children can play outside without the worry of someone trying to hurt them. I dream of the day when Families mean what they use to each other. I dream of the days when things were simple. We have all forgotten what we mean to each other or what it's like to have dinner together on a Saturday afternoon when your growing up. Everyone you love is there. What ever happen to those days. I find myself thinking about those days. Families now seem to go there own way. They forget to take time with their family and Friends. Their children miss out on the love we share with our family because there's no time for get together or time to really get to know each other. I myself have cousins I haven't seen in years. They all have children now that I have never met. We all grew up together but over time we went our own ways. I really miss the days when everything seem so simple.....

Missing my Soldier

  I have been really missing my SOLDIER lately. We have talked on the phone and thru email, but it's not the same. A miltary wife has to scarifice alot for their husband's career. I think what I scarifice the most is the way I feel when I can wrap my arms around him or the way his lips feel when I press mine to his. It's Just those little things for me that I miss the most. Sometimes when I'm sitting  in the Livingroom I can see him in his recliner watching T.V. Those are the days that it's so bad you just want to see the day away. An I have to admit I have done that more then once.
   John's been gone for 7 months now and has 4months to go. Over time it has gotten easier to get thur my day. I have openned a business on ebay, and alot of other things. So now time flys by. I can't seen to find enough hours in the day now, But it has made me feel so much better. I have wrapped my life around John for so long but I always felt I needed something of my own. Now I can do both.  John said he was very proud of me and that made my whole year. He is a wonderful Husband. He's sweet, kind and very loving. We have been through hard times and made it out with our love still in tacked. I will leave this world one Day , but I will leave loving him.......

I Love You Staff Sergent Skinner

Our New Son...

Well we have a new member of our family. He's 4 weeks old and cute as a button. His name is Dollar Billy Skinner. The name Dollar came from the name of John Waynes Horse. and Billy is after my dad. Sorry daddy. He has the saddest little face you have ever seen. Festiss is his daddy So I guess that makes me a grandmother. lol. I haven't told John yet he's a new father. I think I'll wait cause he can't kill mefrom thousand miles away for bringing another one home. LOL. Here are some photo's i took of the little guy.

Happy Birthday to my Mom!

March 1, is my mom's Birthday. I'm making plans to go to Meridian, Ms. ( where she lives) and we are going out to lunch and Shopping, It's become a tradition for us to spend the day together. It's our special time. I didn't get to do it last year and I felt so bad, So this year is going to be great. I don't tell her often enough how much she means to me.
 My whole life I guess you could say I was a Papaw & daddy's girl. But as I've gotten older I have really gotten to know her in so many ways she was always a wonderful mother and always worried for her children.  She never wanted to see us get hurt for any reason. There was a really bad time in my life and I didn't think I would make it thru but there she was her arms wrapped around me tight telling me it was going to be okay. She and Dad have always been there when I needed them. I thank God every day for them both.
  Mom has always had a heart bigger then she was. I remember growing up Dad and her bringing children home because their parents maybe having problems or sick and they would take care of them for awhile. I remember one day they went to work and came home that afternoon with a new Son, an we've had him ever since. That's the type of person she is, she has so much love that there is room for everyone.
  I wish I could be more like her, I love you very much, I look forward to spending the day with you...........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!!

To Love A Soldier

To love a soldier is to me the toughest job there is. You have to be strong at all time. Preparing for schools , Training Camps, and Deployments. It's a non stop roller coaster ride. The time you are able to break down is when your alone because you don't want to worry him. You wake up every morning next to him, Knowing it's another day of him wearing the uniform that he is so proud of. Of course I'm very proud also. But there are days when you want to look at him and say " please don't put it on, I just want you to be my normal husband and for us to be a normal family for one day.
See that's the thing with military families we are not your everyday normal families. We are always making sacrifices in one way or the other, I like the fact that the Military calls us the Silent Ranks because that's what we are, we vent , get mad an no one hears us. I depend on my family to help me get Thur like many other military spouses do. But what about the ones who have no one. Those women and men are the true silent ones. My heart goes out to them and I support them 200%.
Ever since my husband decided that this was to be his career. I also jumped at the chance without really knowing the sacrifices I was in for. It's been a long and hard road to go down. An believe me when I say I wouldn't change it. I'm very proud of him and the job he does. He's my rock and I am his.
If I had to give advice to someone who's new to the military life it would be to take it one day at a time and always expect the unexpected. Never make plan to far ahead, Because they always change. An last, Love your soldier more everyday...

Missing My baby...

My days without the Hubby

 It's been a long week so for. I' ve been so busy with organizing my house and trying to start up a new business. On top of all this trying to deal with John not being here. It's tuff but I'm staying very busy and time is just flying by so fast. I talk to him last nite thru email. He's doing fine. Just ready to get home of course.
One of my projects was to rerange my living room, Here some photo's of what I did.

Honoring My Husband, So proud of him

Here are some thing I did to honor my Husband. An to say think you for all you do.

I sure know how to honor my Husband... LOL!

I'm so tired of protesters

I have something that has been on my mind for a long time, It's about our soldiers and the protesters. I saw on the news where a funeral was going now with all these protesters outside shouting with bullhorns screaming baby killer, Burn his body, and you got what you deserve, also words I'm not repleting . I just don't understand how they can call themselves Christians. How could you do that to theirs Families. What do you think your doing to them. I have to say thanks to all the wonderful bikers who attend these Funerals of our fallen Hero's. They stand up for our soldier and keep the Protesters at bay.
First off you call your self Christians well if your were reading the bible then you would know that Christ would not like what your doing at all. You are the ones that are going against his teachings of love one another. We have fought wars in the pass that were about nothing but Freedom of Religion. And you seen to love those war. I also heard one protester yelling you got what you deserved. One that is judging another human being. God is the only one who can judge. My Husband is serving over seas right now. These people will strap a bomb to there Children for 70 virgins. What is that!!! plus they will go into towns and kill everyone in them then leave their heads on poles as a warning!
When 9-11 happened I stopped and couldn't move. I just screamed we are going to war and my first thought was my husband is going to be leaving. I new from the start. When you protest at these Funerals you might as well spit in our faces and try to make us feel that what our Husdand , wives, childern have had to do, they died guilty of murdering others. It just makes me sick everytime I see it on the News. I really don't know what has happen to this Country, We stand on grounds where blood was shed by our loved ones. I just want everyone to start repecting our soldiers. How can you protest at a soldiers funeral when they were the ones who had to go out and do a job that you were to weak to do yourself! I really pray every night that this stops. I don't want my husband to go thru what other soldiers went thru in the pass. So Just Stop it!!!!!!

To all of our falling heros, May God bless you and your families.
Soldier you may rest " Job well done". You've done your best
Your mission is over, the job is done......

I'm supporter of my husband and all who serve, Thank you the job you do everyday.......

Prayers are needed please..

I'm asking everyone to please pray for my niece, her name is Chloe Lynn Hale. She just turned a year old on Jan. 7,2012. My sister had to carry her to the doctor the other day to have test ran because for about 6 or 7 months she has stay sick with either sinus trouble or chest colds and so on. The test results came back today and the doctor's office called her to bring Chloe back in. They told her that Chloe tested positive for Cystic Fibrosis. She was devastated. See she lost her first child from a rare disorder and he only lived about 30 mins. She also has a little boy  named Allen that is perfect in every way with his health. I don't understand why this is happening to her she is a wonderful person and a wonderful Mother  and would sacrifice anything for her kids. But it's not my place to question why. I just ask God to watch over her and to please keep her safe. She is the only granddaugther out of 6 grandchildren. So she is very special to us. Also she has a smile that will warm you heart just by looking at her. When you see her that is what you notice first ( is her smile). I'm post photo's so you can see for yourself how special this little person is. Please keep her in your prayers.

Our little princess

Her 1st Birthday...

She is so sweet

Those blue eyes and that smile just grabs my heart...

Just another thing that burns me up...

Those of you know who you are , you really need to read this.

I have something on my mind today, I have been reading alot of blogs from military spouses. They were talking about their military spouse and their service to their COUNTRY! Some of you don't approve of the things they say or the words they use ( like we are moving to a new duty station or we are going before the board today and some on) I guess it's the WE you don't like well I do like the word WE, it makes me feel that I am apart of my Husbands Career also. He will even say WE. I feel like we as Military spouses serve right along with them, They call us the SILENT RANKS! An that's just what we are. I mean REALLY people get a life! What is the big deal about how you refer to yourself when it come to your husbands/ wives career. Also what is such a big deal about you wearing his name or his Rank you are showing your support and they are proud when you do " I know my husband is"  I talk to our unit commander about this and he agrees with me. These woman and Men need our support and we need to show it every way we can. We have soldiers Dying everyday to protect our freedom to express ourselves and who are you to tell us we can't. A soldier can't even be buried in peace without protesters showing up at the funerals. I'm going to wear what I want and say what I want to show them all the support I can. YES! you do need to be careful about what you say because you could put them in danger. But this crap is so stupid. I'm sorry but it is. We have enough stress in our lives without junk like this. I'm sure I've made some people mad but that's why it's a free country.
I have a tattoo with my husbands Rank and Name. I got it before he deployed and I'm Da*m proud of it and so is he! My husband and I both live for the ARMY, That's our life and I wouldn't have it any other way...
Another thing that makes me mad is when you have someone who say they are not a military spouse,an their husbands/ wives only serve in the part time military. That's bull, you are a military spouse no matter how often your spouse puts on their uniforms. My husband served 12 years on the part time side and then Transfered to the Fulltime Army Reserves, When you say your not a military spouse you are discressing him/her and the uniform. Face the facts it doesn't matter if your part time or full time when your in a war zone, they are all putting their lives in danger so you can run your mouth. I got to stop here because I'm going to bust a vein if I keep going. You get the point and that is all that matters.

I wear his rank well

My gift to him.

John Made it Back...

Taken while John was home for R&R. Love you Baby.

I finally got an email from John he made it back to the base, He said it had been a long few days, And he had only got about 3 hours sleep since he left on the 7th. I felt so bad for him he works so hard and this war doesn't help. I feel helpless being here at home and there's nothing I can do to help him beside be there to listen and give him my support. I'm so use to being by his side in everything he does, It's hard to think any differently. He knows that he can count on me day and night. We only have for months left of being apart. The first 6 months were "well I'm just going to say it" Hell. There is no other word for it. When you are away from the person you love that's exactly what it feels like. But there was only two things that got John and me thur it and that was GOD, Every prayer I said he answered I give him all the credit. The second was Family and Friends. They all have been very supportive. There were times I felt very alone because John wasn't here with me I felt I had no one. I WAS WRONG! At the time I was so depressed I couldn't see it at all. John and I have been so blessed. An I have to thank the Lord for that. I love him more then any words could decribe. I had forgotten that for a long time but never again.
John if you get to read this I love you baby and I pray everyday for your safe return home. Talk to you soon......