A year ago today....

A year ago today my divorce became final. I've made some amazing changes in my life, Moving to Alabama, got a job, made a lot of friends. My life was not over like I thought it was. There were moments when I just wanted to die. But my family and friends kept me going. An now I have found love again, Michael is the best thing of all. He has showed me more love then anyone has ever shown me. I honestly believe he is my soul mate and we are meant to grow old together. We are talking about getting married this fall, we have set a date yet but we are planning it. I honestly told myself I would never get married again I was so wrong about that. I have fallen in love with him, he makes me feel alive and so loved everyday. He tells me each day how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. I thought the damage my ex husband cause me would never heal but it has and I forgive him for the things he did. I know now I can go on with my life and be happy with someone who truly loves me for who I am. I know he will be by my side no matter what. I've worked hard to make the changes I needed to in my life. Now it's time for me to be happy and I'm so very happy with Michael.

2014 is going to be amazing.....

This is the beginning of a new year, start fresh, That's what I'm doing now. I have a job with amazing people, good friends, and family that loves me. My decision to move to Tuscaloosa , Al. was the best one I ever made. A lot has happened in 2013 some bad and some good, but I wouldn't change any of it. It's made me who I am now and I thank God for the changes that have come to my life. I honestly believe if the things that happen to me had continued I wouldn't be here right now. Now I'm stronger and happier then I have ever been. I have met an amazing man, Michael Holt who I feel is the love of my life. He is everything I've been waiting for . He is sweet, loving and a very caring person. I see a wonderful future with him. He builds me up and makes me smile. My life has travel a rough road but now I finally feel like I'm home.

Focusing on my self for a change!!!!!

Well today is my Ex husbands birthday and you know I don't really care like I thought I would, Our wedding Anniversary would have been on the 8th of November, it would have been our 16th But I don't care about that either. I know it surprises me to that I don't. I just keep growing stronger everyday and looking toward my future and where it is going. No I'm not dating right now I'm taking a break. Right now I have to focus on whats important to me, Family, Career, Friends and my happiness. I don't need a man to complete me thats something I have realized it's my job to make myself feel complete. I know a lot of women out there are going through a divorce and some may feel their world is coming to an end , But I'm here to tell you it's not you've got to get up each day and make yourself go no matter what and I promise you each day will get easier and soon you will get pass the pain your feeling right now it will become just a memory. A lesson learned, and the next time you fall in love you will not allow the same crap in your life you will be stronger then ever.
The one piece of Advice I can give is never surround your life around someone else , Be your own person stand on your own two feet and never let anyone bring you down... Because honestly if you do that it can destroy you, as a woman we have to be stronger and never give up!!!  

The way life Changes!!!!!

I haven't been on here in a long time. Well really since my Divorce. Things have been very hard for me this last year, My Ex husband is already remarried and has a new baby on the way. It's funny how easy it was for him to move on and here I am alone because I'm too scared of being hurt again. I have been trying to date again and I got close to one man but it didn't work out. I just find it hard to love again, it seems now days love doesn't last like it should. No one really knows what I was put through in my marriage the damage that has been done. I have a hard time trusting anyone or believing  there is real love out there anymore. No one understands the thing I was put through and the hurt he caused me or why I did things I did because of the damaged he caused.
But now I'm trying to rebuild my life and also trying to love again, A lot has happened in the last year. I moved out of my parents home and moved to Tuscaloosa Al. I live with my sister who's marriage also ended a week after mine did, so we have been through a lot together She has been my rock and I hers. I have a job now. An I can say I honestly am happier now then I've been in years. I honestly thought I was going to die when my marriage ended the way it did. BUT I DIDN'T! And I realize now that god had a reason for this he had something better in mind for me. I'm going back to school now and doing things on my own. I'm working hard to build my life back. I will not let a man do anything for me ever again because When he walks out o me he will do it with only the clothes on his back I refuse to be in a position where everything I have is taken from me again.. This is my life and I only get one and I'm going to live it the best way I can........I have a lot of people who love and believe in me and for the ones who don't just sit back and watch me prove you wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've met someone New

I've met someone new he is a wonderful man. He's so good to me. I don't know how to act around him. He treats me like a lady. I know everyone keeps telling me I deserve him but I'm just not use to coming first in someones life. I pray every night this works out for us because I really love him a lot.

Christmas 2012

This will be the first christmas I'll be alone. It's harder then I thought it would be. After being married 15 yrs to the same man it's been very hard on me my depression has been out of control and the days seem so lonely. My one christmas wish is for things to get better and for me to be happy again......

I've found someone.....

I finally found someone who is so sweet, honest and good to me. We started out as friends and it turned into more. He is so good to me I don't know how to act. I'm not use to a gentle man who listens to what I have to say and cares about me only. It's not all about money, power over me or kicking me when I'm down. He just wants me and me only. I really think this is true love the way it is suppose to be. It only comes once in a life time and I think this is it.

Another Day

Woke up this morning feeling better then I have felt in a long time. Each day does get a little easier without him. I still have moments where I find myself needing him. But it is very few. Day by day I think I grow stronger and stronger. Now if I can make a plan for starting over alone. Where do I want to go with my life? What do I do next? An will I be alone forever? That's the question that run through my mind each day. I just need to come up with a plan for my life and how I want it to turn out.

Another bad day....

I had a really bad day yesterday. My Depression is out of control again, it is a battle everyday to function normally. People really don't understand how hard it is to control. Going thru a divorce ( my first) is the hardest thing to deal with we were married for 15 yrs. It's really hard to let go of someone you love. I have to start a whole new life and really don't know where to begin.

Early this morning

It's 5:42 a.m. I can't sleep again. I keep wondering where my life is going. I've started dating again. I'm still friends with my Ex husband. Which no one understands why. I don't want to hate him , where is it written when you divorce one another you have to hate each other forever. We had a good life at one time and a lot of good memories. I don't want to forget those times. I believe if you focus on the bad things then you can carry them over into your next relationship. So why do it. I know their is someone out there who will love me for who I am.

My new Life

My new life without my husband is harder then I thought it would be. Starting over is never easy to do. Your lonely all the time, you long for your husband and the life you once had. I keep thinking all the time How do I start over without him. When you love someone so much and they don't love you back it's still hard to move on.

 

Tragedies of a WAR!

My Husband came home in August from Afghanistan, for 2 days everything was great. Then the tragedy, He took me to my parents to spend the night and the next day I called him to come get me. His word were like a knife cutting my heart " I'm not coming to get you". When I asked why he said " I don't love you anymore". All I could think was what happen. He has PTSD now and I guess thats what happen when you come home from a war. I been so lost ever since then. How can you fix something that is broken.

As I posted early in the week. The Doctors found a Limp in my breast. Well today I went back to the doctor's office to get my results. Thank God it was just a cyst. I have been so scared about all this. John has been away for almost a year and going through this by myself. It has been hard being alone. I believe I now understand what a woman feels like when she is told she may have Cancer. My heart goes out to the women of the world who has and is going through this . It can really open your eyes to whats important. Thank you everyone for your prayers. Please continue to pray for those who are suffering with Cancer. Every prayer counts.

Photo's from the hubby

My husband John as you know he has been in Afghanistan for almost a year. He sent some photos of himself and some other guys he is serving with. These were taken on cold and rainy days there. It looks miserable there.



My Hubby working in the cold weather. poor baby.



My Husband , My Hero

John is the 6th man on the right side. He's so handsome in his uniform.. I'm so proud of them all... Come home soon...

The age for Doctor's, Mammograms and Needles...

I went to Doctor's yesterday for a simple checkup. Then the question every woman hates to here. He asked " have you ever had a Mammogram done?" I told him no that I didn't think I was old enough yet. The Doctor told me that I was going to be 39 this year and I should have already had one done. Then it was on the a breast exam. Words I never wanted to hear "you have a limp" He located it in my right Breast. At that moment I just wanted to jump up and run. But I couldn't move , I couldn't even think. There I was all alone with no one to turn to. John's still in Afghanistan, all of our family lives in Meridian, and Union Mississippi. I was completely alone.
It's amazing when you hear those words all the things that run through your mind. Your memories, the people you love, Your future. Even though it could be nothing you are still scared to death. I've watched my Mother in law and my husbands Aunt go thru this, They lose both their Breast due to Cancer. I watched the whole process and to this day I don't know how they got thru it.
Then their is the fear if it is bad, How is your husband going to feel. The questions that are running thru my mind is How is he going to handle this if it is bad? Is he still going to find my Beautiful? An will he still look at me the same?
Please pray for me to find the strengh to get through this.

What's up with the Skinner's

Well alot has been going lately. John is doing well in Afghanistan. His time is almost up there. I will be very happy to see him, a year has been too long.  Been busy doing lots of spring cleaning and gardening. Just keeping myself busy. John got his PCS orders the other day and it looks like we will be moving to Darien, Illinois for our next duty station. I've checked it out on the net. It seems like a nice place. The crime rate is low and they have alot of things to do there. So I'm pretty excited about the move. It's always hard to leave behind your family and friends but it is good to meet new people that are in the same boat you are( military life that is). We are looking forward to this new chapter in our life together.

Had a wonderful Easter.

It was such a pretty day the family gathered at my parents house. We ate dinner and had dessert. My Sister April made a strawberry cake that was to die for. "Of course I really didn't need to eat it but I just couldn't help myself". The kids had a good time. Allen win the first prize in the easter egg hunt his prizes where 3.00 in the gold egg and a giant chocolate bunny, Dakota got 2nd prize and his was 2.00 in the silver egg and a big stuffed bunny, and 3rd place was Dylan he got a dollar in the egg and a little ball game. I think all the kids had fun. The night before we dyed the kids eggs and I made a special one for John so he would be apart of the day also. Here's some of the photos I took.

Easter Is a time to remember...

Easter is a time for family and friends to come together and remember why we celebrate this day. it's not just hurting Easter eggs and playing game. It's about the love we feel for the lord. It's also about what he went through for us. I pray everyday to him about one thing or another, But do I stop in my prayers and thank him for the gift he has given me. Yes I have but not as much as I should. I'm going to thank him everytime I pray from now on.

My family always comes together for Easter this year we are going to make it really fun for the kids. We are having the Easter Eggs Hunt, all kindsof games for the kids.

First game is going to be an Eggs race, then pin the tail on the bunny, and a leg race. I think they will have fun this year. When we sit down to eat our Dad will pray and thank the lord for all he has done. We make it a point to thank him. It always warms my heart to here my dad pray.

I hope and pray everyone has a wonderful Easter and May God Bless you all.

The test of an Army Wife

I have come to realize that we as Army wives are tested everyday. We endure alot in our lives. The test are nonstop. We are tested in our marriage, our children, and the military.
Our strengh is really all we have when it comes to the do's and the don't. I find myself being tested everyday, it's all I can do to keep myself from getting on a plane and going to be with my husband. His time in Afghanistan is almost over it's not for alot of men and women their time is just beginning. When is this Country going to realize we are fighting a War we can't win. In my opinion we have won the war when we got the men we were after. So Why are we still there? This is another test for us to pass.

We are the women who maintain our homes on top of working and rising our children. This has been our jobs even during the Civil War till now. We as women have always stood strong for our husbands . Women before us worked the fields , did child birth at home and would be in the fields the next morning working. We have had no chose but to be strong while our husbands served their country. I'm very proud to do my part for my husband. I'm just ready for him to be home with me for awhile.

I feel that we all need to speak up about how we feel as military spouses . We need to let our government know we are all tired and ready for our men and women to come home. It's time for this to be over. People are losing their homes, jobs, among other things because of the money that is being spent on this War!

THIS NEEDS TO END NOW!!!!

THE BRONZE STAR

THE BRONZE STAR

My husband emailed me this morning and said something that made me so happy. " Baby I'm getting my Bronze star". I am so proud of him. He has worked so hard over there trying to improve things for the other soldiers that it has really paid off. In my opinion HE IS A TRUE HERO TO ME AND HIS COUNTRY. This really makes it worth it. This is the reason I support him 200% in his career because he loves doing his job and serving his country. John comes from a long line of men in his family who also served there country and I know if they were here this would be a proud day for them all.